Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
