wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
