good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
