Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
