My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
