we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
