so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
