New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
