he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
