My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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