Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
