Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
