I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
