ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
