Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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