I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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