so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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