I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
this hospital has no fireball
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
