i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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