it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Found your dick twin last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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