I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Send help, water and tortillas.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
