Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
