I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
