im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
