It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
