how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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