If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
