i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
