dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
