i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
