i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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