Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
