Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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