I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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