Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
