is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
