Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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