Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize