Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
