as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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