Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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