I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
