I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
