You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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