So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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