You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
