He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
