so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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