I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
