Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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