dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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