Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
