this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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