i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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