After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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