i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
