when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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