yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
