listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
