my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My penis needs a shock collar
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
