I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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