yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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