Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
