I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
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