That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
time to smoke my breakfast
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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