i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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