I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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