Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
