i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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