thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize