I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
