I puked a lego.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
