I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i think i have two assholes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
