North Korea, Best Korea!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My day in three words: secret purse cake
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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