Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
