my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
