I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
