well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
