i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
