It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
