I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
