I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
