I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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