hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
