i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
