Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
