I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
